Observe the Edges

Everyone tells that.

Observe the Edges! For they are dangerous. They can cut you, harm you.

But why do people speak about edges only for physical things like table, chair, tool etc?

George Clooney character Ryan in “Up in the Air ” says –

“… Make no mistake your relationships are the heaviest components in your life…” Read the full version here.

And if that is so then why don’t we talk about edges in relationships in the same breadth as innate objects like tables and chairs?

In the relationship model , the concept of edges has been taken care of. If we look closely, the first step of the model i.e. Liking has many edges and as you progress upward, number of edges decreases resulting into a perfect “Edge-Less” relationship. But unlike normal edges (in objects like chairs) where we are instructed not to touch them, edges in relationships are meant to be touched and amended. Infact we should put our energies in finding all the edges and then smoothening them. The aim of any rocking relationship should be to have it “Edge-free”.

Share with me what all edges have you come across in your relationships?

Nice article on Networking by Stuart Jaffe

Just came across this article on networking by Stuart Jaffe. He demystifies networking in simple terms and the way it should be. Stuart also lines up few pointers to sail anyone through those initial conversations.

After reading his thoughts, I tried to see if relationship model would be able to explain those pointers. The first step of any relationship according to the model is liking. For any networking or relationship to blossom, it is very essential that the person should like you. Only when he/she would be genuinely interested in your business proposition or any other thing.

But how do you make other person like you?

What should be done in that moment, that he connects with you?

How should one behave in those initial conversations?

Stuart outlines some simple yet effective means of increasing the probability of other person liking you. Read out his effective means here.

Relationship Model – The new paradigm

I am a great fan of models not because they make you look smart in front of people but for the reason that they simplify things. They help in structuring information; because of which we have more time in developing different perspectives rather than wasting in arranging things.

I thought to myself if models are so good then is there any relationship model available which one could use. I googled about it but did not come across any such thing. So thought of devising a model myself. This relationship model outlines the broad steps in ensuring a rocking relationship. The model could be used in any kind of relationship be it business relationship or personal relationship. All one would have to do is to modify steps according to his situation.

Like any good model, it will not ensure positive outcome each time. What it will ensure is higher probability of a positive outcome. Also since here human emotions are involved, the model would need to adjusted according to the people involved in the relationship.

As is presented above, the model has 4 steps with each step linked to the one above it and below it in both the directions. Arrows in both directions signify fluidity and seamless between the individual steps. It also shows that none of the step can be treated in isolation in relationship. It is an iterative process and one might have to go forth and back in the model.

It would also require different mindset to read and understand the model. Unlike science models where we are used to reading from bottom to top, this one would be read from top to bottom. There is a reason for reading top to bottom. When we are progressing from top to bottom, we know that our objective is “Rocking Relationship” and whatever we are doing would help us ensure that. The problem in going from bottom to top is we might get stuck at individual step and lose sight of the objective.

As mentioned, for understanding the model, we start from top and go down south. But for implementation purposes, we start from the bottom and progress upward.

So the first step in understanding the model is the realization that we are in the process of building healthy and rocking relationship. Once that objective is clear and we have let that feeling sink in, we would progress to the next step which is Comfort.

Comfort talks about generating comfort level in other person. This step is very crucial and the most difficult one. Many relationships face problems at this step and eventually die. We are just not able to generate the kind of comfort in other person to allow him/her to let the doors open to his heart. And if this does not happen we will never be able to touch that person truly and build long lasting relationship. Comfort has many dimensions and is the most exhaustive of all. We would delve into it in much deeper details later on.

Next step is Time. Just like any plant which requires constant nourishment over an elongated time, any relationship requires quality time over a good stretch of period. We must make sure that we are able to devote quality time to each relationship we want to strengthen.

But why would the other person spend time with you? In this world, the biggest gift any person can give to other is his time. So why should he gift you his most precious thing?

Answer is very simple. “Liking“!

Other person should develop enough liking towards you to devote his time to you. “Liking-ness” happens if he finds you interesting enough. Therefore one has to make sure that he is interesting enough to be liked.

We would covering all these steps in much greater detail in times to come and understand their true import. Experiences and case studies would be some of the tools we would be using along the way.

Till then, happy relationships!

Where and When did it all start?

The first question which comes to mind after starting this blog is

Where and When did it all start?

I realize it was present since birth but realization came a bit late – to be precise 26 years late when I joined in institutional sales team in one of the merchant banks. Right after hallowed portals of  premier MBA school in India, my first job showed me the real world and how business is done. Till that time I used to think business is done on value proposition and all that MBA jargons but then I realized I was grossly wrong.

Through my experience at institutional sales team, I learnt that most of the time business is done on the basis of relationships. They make or break a particular deal. And when you are dealing with institutions, it matters all the more. While dealing with institutions, one has to deal with many hierarchies in the same organization. And every time one has to make sure that egos at different hierarchies are managed well.

While coming back from one such meeting, one of my seniors said those golden words which changed my life forever. Those Golden words are –

“Ultimately it is all about managing egos”

What a beautiful way of putting it!

Till this day, I marvel at the compression ratio of this wisdom. Then in due time I learnt its full import. And now today, I plan to share my experiences and learnings with the world and call all others to do the same.